My ex has cut me off during divorce
Unfortunately, it is far too common that when a client says it’s over, their spouse with the “purse strings”...
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A collaborative divorce is where you and your spouse agree to resolve all matters arising out of your separation in a dignified and respectful way for the benefit of the whole family, particularly your children. You agree that you are going to do that without going to court.
In this blog, for ease, I refer to a spouse – but the same applies to your ex-partner if you are unmarried.
Both you and your partner have separate specially trained family law solicitors (collaborative lawyers) to assist you in resolving issues.
Why can’t you go to court if the process doesn’t work but each of you agree?
The reason that collaborative family law has been successful and developed (in other jurisdictions) is the fact that the lawyers are disqualified from acting for the clients should collaboration fail. The disqualification agreement means that all the parties, including the lawyers and clients, are attempting to achieve settlement without threatening or being subject to the threat of court proceedings when things become difficult.
Is collaborative law right for me?
You have to trust your spouse implicitly. If you have any doubts about their honesty, their willingness to disclose and not hide assets, their intentions, then collaborative law would not be the right process for you. You really need to be sure that you are both going to enter into the process with the intention to put your children first, and your ex as equal to your own needs, at least.
Some people suggest collaborative law because they think it might get the best result for them, by keeping the case out of court and conducting themselves in a way that perhaps they have during the relationship – putting pressure on their ex in the face to face meetings, behaving badly at home to put pressure on their ex to move out, being manipulative with the children etc.
If you think that is a risk for you, then collaborative law is not right for you. Having said that, we can still approach a case in a collaborative spirit and try to resolve matters by agreement, having round table meetings. You just don’t sign the Participation Agreement, so that you know if this approach does not quickly lead to a settlement, you can opt for court and you don’t have to start again with a new lawyer. As an experienced mediator, I know that collaborative law is not right for everyone, an approach that tries to resolve matters out of court first, frequently is.
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