Are irreconcilable differences grounds for divorce?9 Dec 2021 | Lisa Pepper
If you have come across this article, it may have resulted from an online search to see if you and your spouse have ‘irreconcilable differences’. You may be curious about what this phrase means exactly and why it is used so often in relation to divorce.
There is no legal definition of an irreconcilable difference in this jurisdiction, i.e. England and Wales. The phrase means you and your former spouse cannot resolve your disagreements. This could cover many marital problems, from disagreements over finances to how the children should be raised. If such issues cannot be resolved, they can cause difficulty moving forward with the relationship and build resentment.
You or your former spouse may have decided the marriage ended because of these differences. If so, you will want to know if these irreconcilable differences are grounds for divorce.
Are irreconcilable differences grounds for divorce?
In many parts of the world, irreconcilable differences are regularly cited in divorce papers as the reason marriage breaks down. Perhaps this phrase is most famously used by celebrities in California to avoid the need to get into the nitty-gritty details of their relationship breakdown. It is a neutral term that does not cast aspersions on either spouse. It is easy to see why it is an attractive option for many.
Unfortunately, in England it is impossible to proceed with a divorce based on irreconcilable differences. But it is possible that the behaviour of your spouse (which led to the irreconcilable differences) could still constitute a reason for divorce.
What reasons can be used for divorce?
In England, to obtain a divorce you must show that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. Under the rules for no-fault divorce, this is the only reason you need to give.
Can irreconcilable differences be used to show unreasonable behaviour?
It’s not quite simple, but one of our expert lawyers will discuss your situation and advise if your spouse’s actions are likely to meet the threshold for unreasonable behaviour. Irreconcilable differences is about both of you deciding that the relationship isn’t working, whereas a behaviour petition has to set out the ‘fault’ of your spouse’s behaviour only.
For the court to accept unreasonable behaviour, it must be convinced that your former spouse has behaved, so it is not reasonable to expect you to live with them anymore.
For example, if you have arguments over money, details about why and how your spouse behaves will need to be given. Not every disagreement is going to amount to unreasonable behaviour.
It is also important to remember that when choosing unreasonable behaviour as the reason for divorce, you must detail in your divorce petition the particulars of why you claim that your spouse’s behaviour is unreasonable. You need to give different examples of the behaviour, not on the same theme. It is not sufficient to say that they have behaved unreasonably. This can add to, or even cause, additional acrimony between you and your former spouse.
How can I best proceed?
If you have come across this article in the hope that claiming irreconcilable differences between you and your spouse would provide an amicable route out of marriage, then you may have been disappointed to read that this is not in fact a ground for divorce. However, there are many steps that we can take to help you achieve an amicable divorce.
An amicable divorce means you agree with what happens to the children, property and finances. It also means you agree on the grounds for how you will divorce. Even if your separation has been difficult, an amicable divorce is still attainable and has quicker and less expensive advantages. It is important to focus on the end goal you want to achieve and not to become too caught up in mini-battles, which can have little bearing on your final divorce but can lead to ill feelings, entrenchment and ultimately may prolong the process for you both – and rack up costs.
We can open a dialogue with your former spouse and their lawyer and seek to reach an early agreement over the issues that are important to you both, including how the divorce is to proceed. Depending on your individual circumstances, we may recommend a form of mediation to help. You may have already had an open and honest discussion with your former spouse and reached an agreement over many matters directly.
Whichever route, once an agreement is achieved, we can assist with making a financial settlement legally binding and made into a consent order (‘Financial Remedy Order’) by the court.
Regarding the arrangements for your children, you may need a parenting agreement or if it is impossible to settle matters concerning the children, an order from the Court (a Child Arrangements Order). We try to avoid Court proceedings for you, but unlike financial matters, the Court doesn’t ratify an agreement about the children.
It is important to note that the law in England is due to change to include a non-fault-based ground for divorce that will not involve a period of separation. Even when this becomes available, the early involvement of a lawyer can save you costs and time, and with teh right choice of lawyer, keep things amicable and constructive.
How we can help
We have a team of expert divorce lawyers in London with experience representing and advising clients on all aspects of divorce and financial separation. We deal with both UK and overseas pensions.
If you are overseas or outside London, we have high-speed video conferencing facilities and a full online service to ensure you are kept up-to-date and fully appraised of your case and legal options.
Osbornes Law are leading divorce lawyers in London. The firm is ranked in the legal directories and has been named as one of the best law firms in England since 2019. We have two offices based in Hampstead and Camden. The firm is also shortlisted as London Family Law Firm of the Year 2022 at the Family Law Awards.
Lisa Pepper is a partner in the family department specialising in Divorce, finance and children matters. She is also an accredited mediator. Lisa specialises in helping parties with considerable international assets. She is ranked as a leading lawyer in Chambers UK, Chambers HNW, The Legal 500, Spears HNW directory and Tatler Advisory.
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I can’t think of anyone who would handle a mediation better than Lisa.
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Lisa Pepper is the stand out performer of the practice. She is pragmatic and straightforward to deal with – committed to the good outcome for the family
Lisa Pepper is outstanding and highly approachable and effective. She has a lovely manner that brings out the best in clients.
Osbornes has a strong mediation team led by Lisa Pepper. Lisa is a very experienced mediator who often places clients at ease and allows them to discuss very difficult topics. She is empathetic but knows when to be more directive if the clients require.
Lisa Pepper is one of our go-to mediators. She provides a practical service, supporting clients to conclusion.
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"Lisa Pepper was recommended to me as non-nonsense and able to help me with a difficult and confrontational divorce. She more than lived up to that – she was practical, collected and always available with a clear opinion and suggestions of how to move forwards. She also was open and helpful about costs and how to mitigate them"
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"Her mediation practice is exceptional; she is also a great solicitor and has a breadth of skill which is really useful."
Lisa Pepper is extremely approachable and this shines through in the outcomes she achieves from mediation. She makes clients feel at ease, which enables them to feel empowered to resolve matters amicably and find a creative outcome which many mediators may have overlooked.
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Lisa Pepper gave me clear, level-headed and sensible advice during her handling of my divorce, and she demonstrated excellent understanding of the relevant law. She was on my side but fair and pragmatic, and her advice was always given with an eye to what was both equitable and achievable, and in line with the collaborative approach I’d wanted.
Lisa Pepper is particularly recognised for her role as a mediator in complex cross-border disputes. Her practice also includes handling prenuptial agreements and issues arising from the dissolution of civil partnerships.
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Lisa Pepper deals with separation proceedings and leave to remove cases. Sources describe her as "a great person to work with: constructive, helpful and always infectiously happy.
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