Divorcing with Children: What Parents Need to Know
Contact
Lisa Pepper
Table of Contents
For decades, unhappy couples believed they should stay together ‘for the sake of the children.’ Society has moved away from that view, but when parents first meet with a divorce lawyer, their primary concern is almost always their children.
In family court, the children’s welfare comes first.
That principle runs through every decision, whether it’s about who the children live with, how much time they spend with each parent, or what happens to the family home.
However, there is no single ‘welfare’ formula that works for every family. The needs of a toddler are very different from those of a sixteen-year-old who spends more time with their friends than their parents. Older children often want their voices heard in the process, and the court will consider their wishes if they are mature enough to express them.
This page offers an overview of the issues that arise when separating parents have minor children. It will help you make arrangements with the children’s welfare at heart.
The two components of divorcing with children
When a marriage with children breaks down, two separate issues must be addressed.
Financial separation
The first thing to consider is the financial settlement. Here, the goal is to divide property, pensions, savings and other matrimonial assets in a fair way. Fair doesn’t always mean equal, although the starting point for many couples is a 50-50 split.
Child maintenance is a separate financial area, though it can be included in a Consent Order agreed upon during divorce proceedings. A Consent Order is when divorcing spouses present a voluntary financial settlement they have amicably agreed for the court’s approval.
Child maintenance is paid by the parent who does not have the main day-to-day care of the child to the parent who does. If parents cannot agree, the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) will ultimately determine how your child’s living costs will be paid.
Once a financial settlement is formally recorded in a court order, it cannot be changed later without further court proceedings.
Children arrangements
The second issue that must be addressed are your arrangements for the children. These are separate from the financial settlement and concern decisions over where children live and what time is spent with each parent. Children arrangements do not always need to go before a court and, in fact, in the vast majority of divorces, parents agree matters between themselves. Many parents prefer to have informal agreements that can evolve as children grow older and their needs change.
Only when parents cannot agree will the court step in with legally binding orders.
Courts prefer “shared care”
Where circumstances allow, courts like to see shared care. This does not always mean children spend equal time with both parents, but it reflects the goal of both parents being actively involved in their upbringing.
In some cases, 50-50 residency is possible and the child will live equally with each parent. This is most practical when parents live close to one another and to the child’s school.
Other families find that a more flexible pattern works better. For example, children may live mainly with one parent during the school week but spend alternate weekends and some holidays with the other. This may be a good arrangement if work commitments or distance mean the child cannot live equally in both homes.
The practicalities of shared care also depend on the parents’ post-divorce relationship. Some families succeed through a cooperative co-parenting approach, where parents collaborate and make joint decisions about the children. However, if there is tension between the parents, parallel parenting could work better. In this arrangement, each parent takes responsibility during their own time and the parents limit direct interaction to reduce conflict.
Sole care options
Sole care is where the children live full-time with one parent, then visit or speak to the other at pre-agreed times. This setup can provide children with greater stability in their daily routines, particularly when moving frequently between two homes would be unsettling or disruptive.
If there are concerns about a child’s safety or wellbeing, contact with the other parent may need to be supervised or even stopped altogether. In those situations, a court order is usually required unless both parents agree.
In reality, almost any parenting arrangement is possible, as long as it matches the children’s best interests.
Agreeing a parenting plan
The most constructive way of reaching children arrangements is by communicating calmly with each other and agreeing what is known as a parenting plan. Although not a legal requirement, a parenting plan can set out shared expectations about living arrangements, routines, education, holidays, medical care and other parenting decisions. If both parents wish, they can formalise the parenting plan into a court order by consent, providing long-term protection for everyone involved.
Creating a parenting plan is something we can help you with at Osbornes Law. No matter how committed you are to peaceful parenting, it’s always worth making sure your agreement is comprehensive and in the best interests of the child.
When dialogue is not enough
Non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) methods, such as mediation and collaborative law provide a structured environment for negotiations. They help parents work calmly through disagreements and come up with a workable plan.
Parents are generally expected to try mediation before turning to the court, unless there are safety issues.
Child Arrangements Orders
If no agreement can be reached, the court can be asked to make a Child Arrangements Order. When making a decision, the court’s guiding principle is always the welfare of the child. Judges will consider a range of factors, including the child’s age, who has historically acted as the main caregiver, whether both parents can meet the child’s needs emotionally and financially, and whether there are any safety concerns.
The child’s wishes are also relevant, provided they are old enough to express them. Practical issues matter too, such as access to school and the child’s social life.
Courts may require supervised contact if concerns exist about safety with one parent, and in extreme cases contact can be refused altogether. These cases are very rare.
Who lives in the family home?
Perhaps the biggest financial question when divorcing with children is what happens to the family home. Courts give priority to the housing needs of children and their main caregiver, but this must be balanced with helping couples achieve as much financial independence as they can after a divorce. Options can include postponing the sale of the house through a Mesher Order, which allows the children to remain in the home until they leave home or finish their education. Then, the property is sold and the proceeds are divided.
It usually makes no difference whose name is on the title deeds or who paid more of the mortgage. The family home is treated as a joint asset. Both financial contributions and non-financial ones, like caring for children or running the household, are taken into account when deciding who is entitled to what share of the house.
If keeping the home is not affordable, it may need to be sold, with each parent buying or renting separately. An experienced divorce lawyer will look at your financial situation and the needs of your children, and walk you through the options that are available to you.
Step-children and divorce
The law treats step-parents differently from biological parents. In the UK, a step-parent does not automatically have the right to see their step-child after separating from the child’s biological parent unless they have:
- Legally adopted the step-child, or
- Acquired parental responsibility through agreement or court order.
Even if a step-parent played a daily role in raising the child, there is no presumption that contact will continue after divorce.
That said, there are several options you can explore to maintain contact with a step-child. You might be able to work out a parenting plan with the child’s parent, use mediation or, if needed, ask the court for a Child Arrangements Order. When step‑parents apply for a Child Arrangements Order, the court considers a range of factors and looks at the whole family set‑up before deciding.
Financially, the CMS does not require step-parents to pay child support for step-children. However, the court may ask the step-parent to contribute, especially as part of a blended family.
Disputes after the divorce with children
Sadly, not all separations are amicable. Recent changes in law have introduced a no-fault divorce system in England and Wales, which has removed the need for blaming one partner and given separating parents a better chance of focusing on their children rather than on the grievances of their marriage. However, tensions may carry long into the future, and children can be caught in the cross-fire.
Courts have a wide range of powers to resolve parenting disputes. For example, they can:
- Prevent one parent from taking unilateral steps such as changing a child’s surname
- Decide whether a child may be taken abroad either for a holiday or to relocate permanently
- Resolve specific issue the parents can’t agree on, such as whether a child should be vaccinated or change school
If you are facing any co-parenting challenges after your divorce, the children team at Osbornes Law can advise you on the best way forward.
Get expert advice on divorce with children
If you need specialist guidance on divorce and children, our team is here to help. Whether you’re facing complex arrangements or simply want some reassurance, we’ll work with you to find the right solution for your family.
To speak with one of our divorce and children lawyers, contact us by:
- Filling in our online enquiry form; or
- Calling us on 020 4502 7718
Share this article
“Osbornes handle a significant amount of complex, high-value divorce work.”
“The family law team at Osbornes is one of the strongest in London; across all areas of work from international cases, financial and children work, Osbornes is a market leader.”
Accreditations
Claire has client care skills in spades and she is understanding and empathetic whilst keeping a focus on the right strategy.
Claire Andrews is one of the best of the younger crop of partners in London.
Lisa's substantial insight into financial disputes involving high-net-worth individuals is where her skills lie.
Yael Selig is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is the go-to person for divorce cases involving Gibraltar particularly, or Spain.
Lisa pepper heads the Mediation team and she is often mediating for high-net-worth individuals in both financial and private children matters.
Lisa Pepper – one of the best mediators around, whose very reasonable rates don’t reflect her excellent client base
Lisa Pepper is a great go-to solicitor for anyone wanting quick and appropriate advice
Lisa Pepper at Osbornes is hugely approachable. She is calm, clients always praise her. Underneath her calm and approachable exterior is an excellent legal brain
I am confident that Lisa will do her utmost to try and settle matters so that both parties walk away feeling satisfied that they have managed to reach a fair outcome with the assistance of a professional mediator.
Lisa Pepper is robust, competent and knowledgeable and is always keen to try and help parties settle without intervention of the court.
Lisa Pepper is an outstanding mediator. She gets results in very difficult cases. She works extremely hard to get a good outcome for clients who mediate with her
Lisa Pepper- she has a great combination of skills. She is empathetic, approachable and calm, and has good legal judgment. She inspires confidence and trust
Lisa Pepper is particularly recognised for her role as a mediator in complex cross-border disputes. Her practice also includes handling prenuptial agreements and issues arising from divorces. She is additionally skilled in Schedule 1 and other child arrangement matters.
Mark Freedman frequently takes on high-value financial and children proceedings that involve complex tax, trust and accounting issues.
"Lisa Pepper is good at making herself available to clients and has a real focus on finding pragmatic solutions."
"Lisa Pepper is a complete all rounder. Her mediation skills are second to none. She is kind and compassionate and knows the law inside out!."
"Lisa Pepper is ‘compassionate, supportive and committed to hear clients, with a very warm manner."
"Lisa Pepper is fantastic. She goes the extra mile for her clients and is a superb mediator."
"Osbornes has a hugely experienced mediation team with Andrew Watson, Bridget Thompson and Lisa Pepper who are able to offer financial and children mediation for a range of cases including those that are highly complex involving challenging clients."
"Andrew Watson is respected and tenacious in matrimonial finance. You would want him on your team."
"Lisa Pepper is fantastic with people and generates calm in her meetings to help clients give of their best."
"David Leadercrammer is such an experienced wonderful lawyer who you would want on the other side of your case. He’s sensible, pragmatic and hugely experienced in money and children cases."
I can’t think of anyone who would handle a mediation better than Lisa.
Lisa Pepper is extremely hard-working and adored by her clients. She is a very empathetic and approachable lawyer.
Andrew secured me the best financial settlement for my claim. He is a credit to Osbornes Solicitors.
"Lisa Pepper was recommended to me as non-nonsense and able to help me with a difficult and confrontational divorce. She more than lived up to that – she was practical, collected and always available with a clear opinion and suggestions of how to move forwards. She also was open and helpful about costs and how to mitigate them"
"Mark Freedman is a very capable lawyer, renowned for not being a pushover and pushing his clients’ cases as much as he can, but will always talk sensibly about settlement. He is among the best – tenacious, good judgment and tactically aware."
"Mark Freedman is a dynamic and highly experienced family lawyer who fights extremely hard for his clients and is always in their corner, thus ensuring their loyalty and confidence. In a trial you would always want him on your side."
"Lisa Pepper is an outstanding mediator. She is very skilled and has an empathetic and professional approach which is comforting for clients. She never imposes her own view but is even handed and provides helpful guidance to clients so that they can make empowered decisions"
"Lisa Pepper has built up a very impressive mediation practice. She is very engaging and easy to relate to. She embodies mediation in the sense that she approaches her case in a very non-judgmental fashion and can quickly gain the confidence of those with whom she is mediating"
"Lisa Pepper is a brilliant mediator who produces results. She is effective at resolving matters without the need for the parties to engage in expensive and protracted litigation"
"Lisa Pepper is a fantastic mediator. She is fair, robust when she needs to be, and finds a way of facilitating agreements in the hardest of cases. Her guidance is spot on. She has an approachable and constructive mediation style"
"She has impressed me as someone who fights my corner but also understands the importance of resolving issues without unnecessary escalation. She is calm and reassuring."
"Her mediation practice is exceptional; she is also a great solicitor and has a breadth of skill which is really useful."
"He is really experienced and wise. He has a lovely manner about him and clients feel safe with him."
"Jo Wescott is top notch and widely recognised as a rising star throughout the profession. She brings a winning combination of great judgement, an immense work ethic, and a relaxed and charming way with opponents and clients alike. Someone you want on your side”
Lisa Pepper is extremely approachable and this shines through in the outcomes she achieves from mediation. She makes clients feel at ease, which enables them to feel empowered to resolve matters amicably and find a creative outcome which many mediators may have overlooked.
Lisa Pepper is building a very strong mediation practice at very competitive rates and is able to build a rapport quickly with almost anyone.
Lisa Pepper loves her work and has a very sensible head on her. That means her practice is thriving and rightly so.
Lisa Pepper is very thorough in her preparation and has super personal skills to put parties in mediation at ease
Lisa Pepper – good litigator, very friendly and approachable but tough, “straight bat” with the opposition. Can steer a client deftly to settle when he should.
"Osbornes is pre-eminent for family law in North London. Mark Freedman is a real rainmaker. He is an excellent lawyer and has a top-notch practice"
Mark Freedman is intelligent and personable and has a good selection of high-net work cases.
"Exceptional value for money. Highly competent and reasonably priced. Mark Freedman: one of the best in the field."
"Client-focused. Ready to fight the clients’ corner, but also ready where possible to steer client from unnecessary dispute. Mark Freedman – very experienced, with good instinct for the eventual result. Clients love him and he thinks ahead and directs the client to the best result for the client."
Mark Freedman is a serious player. A fearless family law litigator, who protects his clients’ interests passionately.
Breadth of knowledge and willingness to go the extra mile is what makes it stand out. Mark Freedman – devoted to his clients
Lisa Pepper is particularly recognised for her role as a mediator in complex cross-border disputes. Her practice also includes handling prenuptial agreements and issues arising from the dissolution of civil partnerships.
Mark Freedman frequently takes on high-value financial and children proceedings that involve complex tax, trust and accounting issues. Sources praise the "tenacity and common sense" he brings to challenging disputes.
"Mark is very experienced, competent, good with clients and takes a sensible approach to cases. He knows exactly what he's doing."
"Lisa Pepper is "caring and considerate of the issues behind a matter, and will speak directly if she feels clients need that advice."
"The very personable and client-focused Lisa Pepper."
"Lisa Pepper somehow manages to get parties to settle on matters where there isn’t much hope to start out with."
"Lisa can handle the large and complicated cases but takes equal care with the smaller cases. She is a highly skilled mediator who is a consummate professional."
"An exceptional outfit. They take on difficult cases, fight hard and win."
"The team frequently deals with cross-border estates for high–net-worth individuals."
"Mark Freedman is a real heavyweight litigator who has dealt with some very significant cases."
"Mark Freedman boxes clever, keeps his powder dry and when it comes to the end game he negotiates a really good deal."
"Mark Freedman has a specific focus on high-net-worth divorces and finance cases where there are overseas assets and trusts."
"Well-regarded family practice assisting clients with substantial matrimonial disputes and sensitive children proceedings."
"Mark Freedman draws acclaim for his work in high net worth divorce cases, including those involving company structures, family trusts and overseas assets."
"He never gives up. He fights for you to the end and has boundless energy."
Lisa Pepper is a skilled collaborative lawyer. Her instinct is always to resolve matters without compromising her clients’ interests.
Lisa Pepper is always looking for a solution and has a very sympathetic approach to clients. She is highly regarded for her collaborative law practice.
Mark Freedman advises high-net-worth clients and knows his stuff.
Highly regarded for his experience as a litigation and mediation expertise, Mark Freedman is tenacious and determined. Clients really feel that he is fighting their corner.
Andrew handled a very complex, 3 year legal battle for me, with a tremendous amount of patience and professionalism. He is very approachable, always kept me up to date, by phone and e-mail, and responded very quickly to my queries with excellent advice, sound strategic thinking and strong letters to put the other side under pressure. With top contacts for barristers, joint experts and mediation.
Lisa Pepper deals with separation proceedings and leave to remove cases. Sources describe her as "a great person to work with: constructive, helpful and always infectiously happy.
[The Family Law department] handles significant matrimonial finance cases and complex nuptial agreements. Respected for its expertise in cross-border children law matters.
Mark Freedman represents high net worth clients in complex financial disputes. Sources say that "he's a determined negotiator who'll always do the very best for his clients.
"Mark Freedman receives a lot of instructions from clients based abroad, often relating to complex divorce proceedings. Sources say: “His main strengths are his enthusiastic passion for the job in hand and his total dedication to his clients.”
Related InsightsVIEW ALL
17.7.2025Financial Remedies: Impact of Delay in Divorce Cases
What’s the risk of delaying my financial remedies claim? The financial remedies team at Osbornes Law acts for clients...
Read more- 4.7.2025
Standish v Standish: What Counts as Matrimonial Property?
Supreme Court upholds Court of Appeal decision In a landmark ruling handed down on 2 July 2025, the Supreme Court upheld an...
Read more - 13.6.2025
Women’s Divorce Rights
What Women Need to Know About Divorce Divorce can have significant consequences for women, particularly if they are not the...
Read more - 1.4.2025
Grey Divorce: How to Have A Good Separation...
More and more couples are choosing to part ways in their older years, when their financial affairs are at their...
Read more 
17.3.2025Selling a House in Divorce
A guide to amicably selling a house during divorce One of the biggest issues in divorce is what happens to...
Read more- 24.2.2025
How Are Finances Divided On Divorce?
Avoiding Misconceptions: How Are Finances Divided On Divorce? The financial remedies team at Osbornes Law advises divorcing clients across London...
Read more - 21.2.2025
Protecting Business Privacy in Divorce Financial Proceedings
Business owners: protecting privacy of confidential information in financial proceedings on divorce We represent many business-owners in financial proceedings on...
Read more - 16.1.2025
Divorce for Men Explained: Your Rights and Options
What Men Need to Know About Divorce Men and women have the same legal rights during divorce in England and...
Read more 
4.11.2024Anglo-French Divorce: Jurisdiction Guide
Anglo-French Divorce: which jurisdiction is right for you? It has been a year since we launched our Anglo-French department in...
Read more- 29.10.2024
Economic Disadvantage in Divorce: Can You Be Compensated?
Giving Up High Earnings: Can A Party Be Compensated For Economic Disadvantage? In financial remedies cases, the fact that one...
Read more - 24.10.2024
Can a Declaration of Trust Stand in Matrimonial...
Matrimonial Homes: Can A Declaration Of Trust Of Beneficial Ownership Stand? Resolving issues relating to ownership of the former matrimonial...
Read more - 23.10.2024
When Abusive Behaviour Affects Divorce Financial Relief
When is Abusive Behaviour Relevant To Financial Relief on Divorce? Domestic violence and other abusive behaviours are a contributing factor...
Read more - 1.10.2024
Divorce in Your 70s: What You Need To...
The Financial Considerations for Separation in your 70s? Age is not a barrier to getting divorced, but separating after retirement...
Read more - 25.9.2024
What Happens to Savings & Investments in Divorce?
Divorce often raises important questions about the division of assets, particularly savings and investments. Understanding what happens to these financial...
Read more - 23.9.2024
International footballer fails to comply with financial disclosure
UD v TQ: The importance of complying with financial disclosure Recent divorce case involving an unnamed international footballer is a...
Read more - 20.9.2024
Pension Attachment Order: A guide
Pensions are quite often valuable assets in a marriage. In some cases, they can be worth more than the family...
Read more 
1.9.2024Divorce in Your 50s
What Are the Financial Considerations for Separation in your 50s? Divorcing in your 50s is not the same as divorcing...
Read more- 27.8.2024
Pension Sharing Orders
Pension Sharing in Divorce With so many things to consider when dividing up your finances during a divorce or dissolution...
Read more - 20.8.2024
What is pension offsetting?
In this article, we will explore the concept of pension offsetting and how it can play a crucial role in...
Read more - 12.8.2024
NA v LA [2024] EWFC 113: Judge Orders Non-Court Dispute...
Financial Claims: Judges Can Order Parties To Attempt Non-Court Dispute Resolution As was expected, the court has been quick to...
Read more 
1.8.2024Matrimonial vs Non-Matrimonial Assets
Matrimonial vs Non-Matrimonial Assets in Divorce During a divorce, people often make the mistake of assuming that everything they own...
Read more- 1.8.2024
What is a Periodical Payments Order?
Periodical Payments Orders in Divorce Throughout the process of a divorce or when unmarried couples with children split up, numerous...
Read more - 1.8.2024
What is a Lump Sum Order?
A lump sum order is a crucial element of divorce settlements that can significantly impact the financial future of both...
Read more - 25.7.2024
What is a Property Adjustment Order?
A property adjustment order is a key legal mechanism used during a divorce to fairly divide property and assets between...
Read more
