Grey Divorce: How to Have A Good Separation in Later Life
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Lisa Pepper
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More and more couples are choosing to part ways in their older years, when their financial affairs are at their most complex. The longer parties are together, the more difficult it can be to separate the finances, but there are always fair ways out.
Divorce is rarely quick or simple, but breaking from a longstanding marriage comes with a different set of challenges. When couples over the age of 50 decide to part ways, it is less a leap into new beginnings and more a careful unraveling of two lives that have been deeply intertwined by time, family and finances.
Grey divorce (you might prefer the more elegant term ‘silver splitters’) describes couples who divorce over the age of 50. Divorce among this age group has been surging from as far back as 2017 – you only have to look at the headlines to see how common it has become. Eamonn Holmes, Sir Paul McCartney, High Jackman and Bill Gates all opted for a fresh start in later life after growing apart from their wives.
We can speculate why more long marriages are ending in grey divorce. Longer life expectancies are expanding people’s options, and society no longer demands that people stay in unhappy relationships. In particular, the introduction of no fault divorce has made it much easier for couples to call time on a marriage, particularly for couples who want a friendly split.
The added complexities of divorcing later in life
Whatever the reason for grey divorce, separating at an older age adds legal challenges less likely to be faced by younger couples:
- There’s often more wealth accumulated and assets can be difficult to split, especially if most assets belong to one person.
- Pensions are a major consideration in grey divorce planning, and a financial settlement will usually need to provide for pension sharing or lump-sum settlements.
- Couples need to think about how they will fund their future care needs as part of the divorce settlement.
- Wills and estate plans may need to be updated to protect inheritance rights for children.
- Family relationships can get complicated, especially relationships with in-laws, adult children and ‘whole family’ get togethers.
Every couple is different, so the solutions that work for one pair may look very different for another. Age is a significant factor. What’s needed for retirement and lifestyle preservation can change a lot between your fifties, sixties and seventies. Please see our separate pages for guidance that speaks to the needs of each age group:
Financial settlements for grey divorce
Older couples often have far more assets that need dividing, but this doesn’t mean you’re in for a tough ride – if the children are adults, the split will simply need to be as equal as possible.
As a first step, everything you own together goes into the matrimonial pot. This includes savings, property, investments, pensions and business interests. The theoretical division is a 50-50 split, but this can be adjusted to make the final outcome fair.
Going forward, the main considerations will be a suitable home to live in, an income that allows you to live a similar lifestyle, and pensions. Wealth permitting, you might achieve a clean break where you both walk away with no further financial ties. Where one spouse is financially weaker – perhaps because they took a backseat in their career to raise the children – you might structure the financial settlement so they could receive spousal maintenance, at least until their pension kicks in.
The settlement needs to be realistic and fair, taking into account how long the marriage lasted and each person’s financial situation. Making full financial disclosure is an important part of the process. A specialist divorce solicitor will look closely at each person’s financial situation before helping you negotiate a fair agreement.
Pensions, a significant but overlooked asset
Pensions are one of the most valuable assets in grey divorce and yet they are routinely overlooked during settlement discussions. Women, in particular, are unaware they have rights to their partner’s private pension. Research shows that only 30% of divorces actually factor in pensions during settlement, and women end up worse off in retirement as a result.
If you’re not drawing from your pension yet, then the value of pensions is simply added to the matrimonial pot. There are various ways to split a pension’s value, most commonly by pension sharing or pension offsetting. The important thing is to get an accurate valuation. Pension products can be quite complex, and a paper valuation may not reflect the true lifetime value or account for differences between defined benefit and defined contribution schemes.
If you’re already in retirement, the pension can still be split but there may be restrictions. Your solicitor can help you work this out as part of the divorce financial plan.
Revisiting your longer-term wealth plans
Grey divorce is often the right time to take a fresh look at your plans for the future. Your will, power of attorney, insurance beneficiaries and estate planning strategies may all need to change, and there may be tax implications associated with these changes.
Osbornes Law is a full-service law firm. Our family law specialists work closely with our private client team to make sure every aspect of your wealth and estate planning is handled seamlessly during and after your divorce.
What if we can’t agree the terms of our grey divorce?
It’s actually quite rare for a long-time-married couple to involve the courts in their grey divorce. Most are able to agree a financial settlement very reasonably, by sitting down together and talking through the details.
If you get stuck, there are several non-court dispute resolution (NCDR) options to help you work through the issues. For example, mediation and collaborative divorce can help you negotiate in a measured way. Another option is Financial Dispute Resolution (FDR) for divorce which takes place with a judge in a private hearing. FDR gives both sides guidance on what a fair settlement would look like and often helps people agree without a full trial.
Your solicitor will write any voluntary agreement you reach into a Consent Order. This makes your financial settlement legally binding.
Expert support for grey divorce
Navigating grey divorce demands careful planning and, above all, professional support. Even the friendliest separation can bring challenges. Independent legal advice from the Osbornes family lawyers ensures your interests are protected, and suggests amicable methods of conflict resolution to control costs and stress. If going to court becomes necessary, we will represent you and fight your corner.
For those preparing for or already facing grey separation, our experienced family law team is ready to advise on your next steps. To speak with one of our solicitors:
- Fill in our online enquiry form; or
- Call us on 020 7485 8811
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“Osbornes handle a significant amount of complex, high-value divorce work.”
“The family law team at Osbornes is one of the strongest in London; across all areas of work from international cases, financial and children work, Osbornes is a market leader.”
Accreditations
Claire has client care skills in spades and she is understanding and empathetic whilst keeping a focus on the right strategy.
Claire Andrews is one of the best of the younger crop of partners in London.
Lisa's substantial insight into financial disputes involving high-net-worth individuals is where her skills lie.
Yael Selig is bilingual in Spanish and English. She is the go-to person for divorce cases involving Gibraltar particularly, or Spain.
Lisa pepper heads the Mediation team and she is often mediating for high-net-worth individuals in both financial and private children matters.
Lisa Pepper – one of the best mediators around, whose very reasonable rates don’t reflect her excellent client base
Lisa Pepper is a great go-to solicitor for anyone wanting quick and appropriate advice
Lisa Pepper at Osbornes is hugely approachable. She is calm, clients always praise her. Underneath her calm and approachable exterior is an excellent legal brain
I am confident that Lisa will do her utmost to try and settle matters so that both parties walk away feeling satisfied that they have managed to reach a fair outcome with the assistance of a professional mediator.
Lisa Pepper is robust, competent and knowledgeable and is always keen to try and help parties settle without intervention of the court.
Lisa Pepper is an outstanding mediator. She gets results in very difficult cases. She works extremely hard to get a good outcome for clients who mediate with her
Lisa Pepper- she has a great combination of skills. She is empathetic, approachable and calm, and has good legal judgment. She inspires confidence and trust
Lisa Pepper is particularly recognised for her role as a mediator in complex cross-border disputes. Her practice also includes handling prenuptial agreements and issues arising from divorces. She is additionally skilled in Schedule 1 and other child arrangement matters.
Mark Freedman frequently takes on high-value financial and children proceedings that involve complex tax, trust and accounting issues.
"Lisa Pepper is good at making herself available to clients and has a real focus on finding pragmatic solutions."
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"Osbornes has a hugely experienced mediation team with Andrew Watson, Bridget Thompson and Lisa Pepper who are able to offer financial and children mediation for a range of cases including those that are highly complex involving challenging clients."
"Andrew Watson is respected and tenacious in matrimonial finance. You would want him on your team."
"Lisa Pepper is fantastic with people and generates calm in her meetings to help clients give of their best."
"David Leadercrammer is such an experienced wonderful lawyer who you would want on the other side of your case. He’s sensible, pragmatic and hugely experienced in money and children cases."
I can’t think of anyone who would handle a mediation better than Lisa.
Lisa Pepper is extremely hard-working and adored by her clients. She is a very empathetic and approachable lawyer.
Andrew secured me the best financial settlement for my claim. He is a credit to Osbornes Solicitors.
"Lisa Pepper was recommended to me as non-nonsense and able to help me with a difficult and confrontational divorce. She more than lived up to that – she was practical, collected and always available with a clear opinion and suggestions of how to move forwards. She also was open and helpful about costs and how to mitigate them"
"Mark Freedman is a very capable lawyer, renowned for not being a pushover and pushing his clients’ cases as much as he can, but will always talk sensibly about settlement. He is among the best – tenacious, good judgment and tactically aware."
"Mark Freedman is a dynamic and highly experienced family lawyer who fights extremely hard for his clients and is always in their corner, thus ensuring their loyalty and confidence. In a trial you would always want him on your side."
"Lisa Pepper is an outstanding mediator. She is very skilled and has an empathetic and professional approach which is comforting for clients. She never imposes her own view but is even handed and provides helpful guidance to clients so that they can make empowered decisions"
"Lisa Pepper has built up a very impressive mediation practice. She is very engaging and easy to relate to. She embodies mediation in the sense that she approaches her case in a very non-judgmental fashion and can quickly gain the confidence of those with whom she is mediating"
"Lisa Pepper is a brilliant mediator who produces results. She is effective at resolving matters without the need for the parties to engage in expensive and protracted litigation"
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"Jo Wescott is top notch and widely recognised as a rising star throughout the profession. She brings a winning combination of great judgement, an immense work ethic, and a relaxed and charming way with opponents and clients alike. Someone you want on your side”
Lisa Pepper is extremely approachable and this shines through in the outcomes she achieves from mediation. She makes clients feel at ease, which enables them to feel empowered to resolve matters amicably and find a creative outcome which many mediators may have overlooked.
Lisa Pepper is building a very strong mediation practice at very competitive rates and is able to build a rapport quickly with almost anyone.
Lisa Pepper loves her work and has a very sensible head on her. That means her practice is thriving and rightly so.
Lisa Pepper is very thorough in her preparation and has super personal skills to put parties in mediation at ease
Lisa Pepper – good litigator, very friendly and approachable but tough, “straight bat” with the opposition. Can steer a client deftly to settle when he should.
"Osbornes is pre-eminent for family law in North London. Mark Freedman is a real rainmaker. He is an excellent lawyer and has a top-notch practice"
Mark Freedman is intelligent and personable and has a good selection of high-net work cases.
"Exceptional value for money. Highly competent and reasonably priced. Mark Freedman: one of the best in the field."
"Client-focused. Ready to fight the clients’ corner, but also ready where possible to steer client from unnecessary dispute. Mark Freedman – very experienced, with good instinct for the eventual result. Clients love him and he thinks ahead and directs the client to the best result for the client."
Mark Freedman is a serious player. A fearless family law litigator, who protects his clients’ interests passionately.
Breadth of knowledge and willingness to go the extra mile is what makes it stand out. Mark Freedman – devoted to his clients
Lisa Pepper is particularly recognised for her role as a mediator in complex cross-border disputes. Her practice also includes handling prenuptial agreements and issues arising from the dissolution of civil partnerships.
Mark Freedman frequently takes on high-value financial and children proceedings that involve complex tax, trust and accounting issues. Sources praise the "tenacity and common sense" he brings to challenging disputes.
"Mark is very experienced, competent, good with clients and takes a sensible approach to cases. He knows exactly what he's doing."
"Lisa Pepper is "caring and considerate of the issues behind a matter, and will speak directly if she feels clients need that advice."
"The very personable and client-focused Lisa Pepper."
"Lisa Pepper somehow manages to get parties to settle on matters where there isn’t much hope to start out with."
"Lisa can handle the large and complicated cases but takes equal care with the smaller cases. She is a highly skilled mediator who is a consummate professional."
"An exceptional outfit. They take on difficult cases, fight hard and win."
"The team frequently deals with cross-border estates for high–net-worth individuals."
"Mark Freedman is a real heavyweight litigator who has dealt with some very significant cases."
"Mark Freedman boxes clever, keeps his powder dry and when it comes to the end game he negotiates a really good deal."
"Mark Freedman has a specific focus on high-net-worth divorces and finance cases where there are overseas assets and trusts."
"Well-regarded family practice assisting clients with substantial matrimonial disputes and sensitive children proceedings."
"Mark Freedman draws acclaim for his work in high net worth divorce cases, including those involving company structures, family trusts and overseas assets."
"He never gives up. He fights for you to the end and has boundless energy."
Lisa Pepper is a skilled collaborative lawyer. Her instinct is always to resolve matters without compromising her clients’ interests.
Lisa Pepper is always looking for a solution and has a very sympathetic approach to clients. She is highly regarded for her collaborative law practice.
Mark Freedman advises high-net-worth clients and knows his stuff.
Highly regarded for his experience as a litigation and mediation expertise, Mark Freedman is tenacious and determined. Clients really feel that he is fighting their corner.
Andrew handled a very complex, 3 year legal battle for me, with a tremendous amount of patience and professionalism. He is very approachable, always kept me up to date, by phone and e-mail, and responded very quickly to my queries with excellent advice, sound strategic thinking and strong letters to put the other side under pressure. With top contacts for barristers, joint experts and mediation.
Lisa Pepper deals with separation proceedings and leave to remove cases. Sources describe her as "a great person to work with: constructive, helpful and always infectiously happy.
[The Family Law department] handles significant matrimonial finance cases and complex nuptial agreements. Respected for its expertise in cross-border children law matters.
Mark Freedman represents high net worth clients in complex financial disputes. Sources say that "he's a determined negotiator who'll always do the very best for his clients.
"Mark Freedman receives a lot of instructions from clients based abroad, often relating to complex divorce proceedings. Sources say: “His main strengths are his enthusiastic passion for the job in hand and his total dedication to his clients.”
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